Replying to friends who send annoying emails

Happen to receive annoying chain letters or a disproportionate amount of daily jokes from a friend or contact? Then you can nicely let him/her know that you do not want to receive such emails any more. Just copy and paste the message found on this site:

http://www.thanksno.com/

Changing behaviour through changing beliefs

The way we behave is due to our beliefs about ourselves. Let’s take a look at how we develop these beliefs and how we can change negative behaviours through analysing our past and working on changing our beliefs.

Basically the concept is that when we are growing up we start to observe things around us and pass through various stages, the most important of which in my opinion is the 0-7 years stage which is the Imprint period where we are constantly observing everything that happens around us and forming a number of rules about all things in life.

Obviously the imprints in our mind at this stage are very much influenced by our family as most of the input we get is from them. After this stage we go into the Modeling period (age 7-14) where we start taking stock of what we know and create heros based on our previous experience. I believe that in this phase we try to find heros in music stars, tv stars or other persons, always based on our previous life experience and the feelings it has left in us.

The third stage is the Socialisation period (14-21) during which we open up to more influence through regular contact with our group of friends. This stage is also very important as we start moving out from the family circle and into the real life through interaction with others and trying new experiences. The last stage is the Business persona stage (21-35) where we make the step into the working world and usually undergo considerable changes also in this phase as we adjust to our new realities. Therefore all these stages are what forms our current way of feeling about ourselves and behaving with others.

Now if we want to change something in ourselves which we are not happy about, first of all we must realise that we are what we believe we are, i.e. whether you believe you CAN or you CAN’T do something, you are right! Our beliefs are what limit our potential. Thus the way to change something in yourself is as following:

1. Define the behaviour you want to change (write it down on a piece of paper) e.g. I don’t know how to make people laugh
2. Reword that behaviour into a belief e.g. I am not funny
3. Look back into the past and try to identify specific events which have instilled this belief in you e.g. Making a joke in front of the whole class and everybody made fun of you
Realise that these events are making you believe that you are not funny and don’t know how to make people laugh, thus if you rationalise the events and deal with them then you will have a clean slate on which to form new beliefs, which will in turn lead you to change your behaviour.

That’s it, the main concept therefore as I said in the beginning is that we are what we believe we are, so if we change what we believe then we will change ourselves and our behaviour.

Representational Systems

Representational systems are used to identify how people learn and remember things. Being aware of the four representational systems and the preferred preference of a person will help you communicate better.

“When you’re learning about people’s strategies to understand how they make a decision, you also need to know their main representational system so you can present your message in a way that gets through” Anthony Robbins

Here is a description of the four representational systems. Further down you can also find a link to a test which will help you identify your preferred system. Want to take the representational systems test immediately? Click here!

V:Visual

People who are visual often stand or sit with their heads and/or bodies erect, with their eyes up. They will be breathing from the top of their lungs. They often sit forward in their chair and tend to be organized, neat, well-groomed and orderly. They memorize by seeing pictures, and are less distracted by noise. They often have trouble remembering verbal instructions because their midns tend to wander. A visual person will be interested in how your product LOOKS. Appearances are important to them. They are often thin and wiry.

A: Auditory

People who are auditory will move their eyes sideways. They breathe from the middle of their chest. They tipically talk to themselves, and are easily distracted by noise (some even move their lips when they talk to themselves). They can repeat things back to you easily, they learn by listening, and usually like music and talking on the phone. They memorize by steps, procedures, and sequences (sequentially). The auditory person likes to be TOLD how they’re doing, and responds to a certain tone of voice or set of words. They will be intersted in what you have to say about your product.

K: Kinesthetic

People who are kinesthetic will typically be breathing from the bottom of their lungs, so you’ll see their stomach go in and out when they breathe. They often move and talk very slowly. They respond to physical rewards, and touching. They also stand closer to people than a visual person. They memorise by doing or walking though something. They will be interested in your product if it “feels right”.

AD: Auditory Digital

This person will spend a fair amount of time talking to themselves. They will want to know if your product “makes sense”. The auditory digital person can exhibit characteristics of the other major representational systems. AD people prefer logic, facts and thoughts to feelings. They often have conversations going on inside their heads, and can sometimnes have difficult sleeping because they can’t switch off at the end of the day. AD people like to think things through, and make sense of the world with logic, facts and figures. They can sometimes be oblivious to their physical comfort or discomfort, as they often think about how they feel rather than just feeling it. Sometimes they may confuse a conversation they had in their mind with an actual conversation, which can get them in trouble! Approximately 10% oif the population are Auditory Digital.

Are you ready to discover your preferred representational system? Take the representational test now!

How to practice what you’ve learnt

Your exercise this month is to pick a significant person in your life and listen to the types of words they use. You will notice they will probably use all types of the visual, auditory and kinesthetic words…but one type will usually predominate. Then practice translating your language to their system.

If they say “I don’t see your point,” don’t say “Let me repeat it,” instead say “Let me show you what I mean.”

If they say “What you’re suggesting doesn’t feel right to me,” don’t say “Take a different view,” instead say “Let’s touch upon the points another way.”

If they say “I’ve tuned you out,” don’t say “You’re insensitive,” instead say “Lets talk it over.”

Then practice with other people you know, and listen to conversations on radio or television to develop your skills. Eventually you will find yourself doing it automatically. Become aware of how other people think, become flexible in how you respond, and develop excellent communication skills.

How to persuade and influence people

A couple of years back Dr Robert Cialdini, an expert psychologist came up with a set of principles that can be applied in order to harness the power of persuasion and thus influence people. In today’s article I will talk about these six principles and how they can be used.

Principle No. 1 – Liking
People like those who are like them and who create bonds with them. It is important to create early bonds with new acquaintances by informally discovering common interests. This will make them more comfortable and increase their willingness to trust you. Praising other people will also generate more willing compliance.

Principle No. 2 – Reciprocity
People repay in kind, therefore you should develop a habit of giving what you want to receive. Help someone in need and it will be much more likely that he will help you back later.

Principle No. 3 – Social Proof
People follow the lead of similar others. Harness the power of peer power by getting one person from a group to approve your new initiative, the others will most likely follow.

Principle No. 4 – Consistency
People fulfill written, public, and voluntary commitments. Get things down in writing and publicise commitments, then it is more likely that people will fulfill those commitments.

Principle No. 5 – Authority
People believe experts who provide shortcuts to decisions requiring specialised information. The key here is to establish your expertise beforehand by for example describing how you solved a problem similar to the one at hand, or talking about your qualifications and experience, without being boastful.

Principle No. 6 – Scarcity
People value what’s scarce. This is a fact that can be observed in all areas of human behaviour eg. relationships, buying trends etc. You can also use it to your advantage by using exclusive information to persuade. Arouse their curiosity and attention by offering them something nobody knows about eg. “Very few people have heard about this technique…”

Apply these 6 principles in your relationships and you will see that your persuasion power will be better than ever before!

Shyness and Matching Values

Lately I was reflecting on the fact that I used to consider myself a very shy person and that now I have overcome this negative characteristic. However, I have also come to realise that sometimes we feel a bit ‘shy’ due to the people we are with. I now believe that this does not reflect shyness but naturally feeling uncomfortable because the other people have different values than ours. Far from being something negative, it is something positive that a person can realise what he stands for. To illustrate this point consider a polite guy who finds himself in a group of loud and foul mouthed ‘friends’ and starts feeling uncool because he is not being given much attention in the group. The problem here is not that the guy is shy or uncool but that there is a clash of values. The important thing then is for this guy to realise that these people have different lifestyles which are not in line with what he wants, and must be strong enough to stop going out with them if need be. This is not to say that he should cut all ties with them, but he must find a group with whom he feels comfortable with and in which he can express himself easily and freely.